We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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