also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
