UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
