Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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