The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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