just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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