if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
