??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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