I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
