just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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