dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
