in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
