Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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