New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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