his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
