i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
