I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
