dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
