i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
