discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And then he peed in my hair
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