My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
