Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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