all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize