I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
