Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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