so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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