Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
