rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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