put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
