If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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