even my farts smell like vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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