Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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