I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize