he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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