Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
birth control should be required to get into college
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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