Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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