Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
