It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
