Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
