I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
