So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
