There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
wanna go halves on a baby?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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