Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize