Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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