I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
