I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
