They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
