God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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