I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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