I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
