God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
