then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
