Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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