Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
