I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
