I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
