Well apparently he's into motor boating.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
