I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
