so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
