you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
