Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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