super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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