Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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