"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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