I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
