so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
