You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
