She said her name was "party"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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