Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
