lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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